in rainbows

I am fortunate enough that because i live with 3 other guys, one of whom spent a few thousand bucks on a nice plasma tv….that we splurged and got all the movie channels, along with the HD package. And because of this, i have a new favorite channel called MHD. It always has live concerts or performances by some really good bands. Tonight as i am sitting here, they are showing Radiohead perfom live in a “basement”. They are playing all the songs off of their new album, ‘in rainbows’. This album i bought about 3 months ago, and it has yet to be taken out of my car cd player. I absolutely love it, fits my mellow style. Something i highly suggest checking out if you need to add some more mellower music to your collection. Phoenix Nick and i watched a live Coldplay concert and James Blunt concert the other night….pretty good stuff.

I finished the book Lance Armstrong wrote shortly after he won his 2nd Tour de France. It was lent to me by my brothers girlfriend Meredith, mainly because Stevo was probably never going to read it.  The book deals with his life growing up through his cancer diagnosis and recovery, and then life after cancer. I thought it was a pretty darn good book, and you can certainly see why he is successful, because his competitive personality really shines through in the book. I think it also did a good job of portraying to people like me what people who have to go through finding out they have cancer and then dealing with it is like. I think because of how commonplace cancer now is for whatever reason, people who haven’t had to be around it much like myself don’t really realize the extent of how horrible it really can be. In reading that book this week, it was kinda crazy to see the news story about Tennessee basketball star Chris Lofton had secretly beat cancer last summer and nobody other than a few people knew about it. 

In reading that book, it makes you think about your own life and if it were all taken away from you tomorrow, how would that make you feel. I don’t think i would be able to complain at all about how blessed my life has been to this point. I obviously have a lot i want to do from here on out, but i’ve had it pretty good up to this point. Maybe too good. I often think about that, while i am not rich or famous, nor lead an extraordinary life that people might envy, i do feel like i have had a relatively easy go of it and have gotten away with a lot that could of gone the other way. My family and friends are great, supportive, and for the most part healthy. I’ve been able to travel and for the most part live my life as i have wanted. But in thinking about that, my mental philosophy has always been that things in life always even out….as Seinfeld would say, even steven.  But maybe the reason i have avoided some really low lows for the most part is that i am not much of a risk taker. Maybe if i were, life might hit me a little bit harder back sometimes than what it has so far. I’m certainly not saying life is easy by any means, because mentally i struggle everyday just like everybody else. But i guess i am just fearful of some sort of life changing event that we all hope never comes. I guess their is never anything you can do to avoid those types of things. I dunno what i am really saying to be honest, maybe life isn’t as much like a movie as i think it is. 

Very weird. A snow patrol video just came on MHD in which the song is about what if this were the last few minutes on earth, how would you handle it and what would you do. The video shows a lot of people eating sweets, hence the song is titled choclate.

The other thing that the Lance Armstrong talked about was when he was wanting to quit cycling after cancer, he was trying to figure out what he would do the rest of his life. And when it was all said and done, he realized he was meant to be a cyclist. In growing up i always thought i would play sports my whole life as a career. I really did. I had something inside of me that told me that being an athlete was what i was meant to do. And who knows, maybe had i played a different sport other than basketball, it could of been true. But once my less than stellar high school basketball career was over and it was time for college, i realized i had no idea as to who i was without playing a sport. I had no identity anymore, nothing ever to look forward to or to work at. It sure as hell wasn’t going to be school. I felt pretty lost for a long time, probably still am to a certain degree. I guess that is part of growing up. And even though i have gotten on a halfway decent track now, i still wonder what i am supposed to be doing and what can i do that will light a fire under me…something to be passionate about. I guess most people are probably like that and not everybody finds something like cycling that is so obvious. Maybe that goes back to taking a risk on something i feel a little strong about, and not worry so much about failing. I should probably quit living by the even steven philosophy.